Recently Rivka Spicer wrote a lovely blog post about why she wears head wraps, and it inspired me to write my own. Like Rivka, I wear head wraps for many reasons, some of which didn't manifest until after I started wearing them.
How I got started When I first saw pictures of sinar tichels (Jewish-style head wraps) on Instagram, I was enamored with their beauty. Then, when I came upon Wrapunzel, a wonderful wrapping resource and community, suddenly I had access to everything I needed to create head wraps, and I had no reason not to - except for fear, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. How wrapping makes me feel The first time that I created a head wrap and looked in the mirror, I was so delighted that I actually giggled with glee. (No, really. I did.) I've always had a very poor body image. When I look in the mirror, I never see what people who compliment my appearance see in me. But the first day that I wore a wrap, I saw my self and my inner beauty shine through like never before. Everything about it felt right, and I wanted to do it every day. When my grandmother to be (on my fiancé's side of the family) first saw me in a head wrap, she exclaimed, "It's just you! It's so you!" I was stunned and very moved by how perceptive she was. It was quite an affirmation. When I drape and fold scarves to create my wrap in the morning, I feel relaxed and comforted. The lushness of large swaths of fabric has always felt cozy to me. Give me scarves, shawls, long skirts, and blankets. And when my wrap is finished, I have transformed into a woman who is ready to face the day, no matter what comes. Wearing a wrap makes me feel put together, prepared, and confident. It starts my day off on the right foot, with all of my folds, tucks, and pleats neat and tidy. I love this feeling of preparedness. The analogy of putting on armor isn't quite right. It's more like putting on the right equipment. Armor is a barrier, but my wrap makes me feel more open, at ease, and softer around the edges. It opens a door to my heart while also giving me the strength to face the day. So many reasons to wrap Besides how wearing head wraps makes me feel, I've discovered that I wear them for many other reasons. Visual communication In many ways, choosing to wear a head wrap is a form of visual communication just like any other clothing or fashion choice. When we choose a style of outfit for the day (dressy, casual, punk, hipster, etc.), we decide what we want to project to the world. When I wear a head wrap, I put the focus on my face, and by doing so I emphasize my personhood and invite others to connect more deeply with me. I also think that head wraps look chic and stylish, and feeling stylish makes me feel good. Personal expression and nonconformity Few things make me as happy as seeing someone dance to the beat of their own drum. Unfortunately uninhibited personal expression is a bold choice - a scary choice. Many of us are inhibited or even paralyzed by the fear of what other people will think. We are pressured from all angles to conform - to wear trendy clothes and hairstyles, to act like others, and to fit in. After I started wearing head wraps, I realized that, by wearing them, I can be an example of what I want to see in the world, and that means a great deal to me. I can encourage others to express themselves. I like to think that someone might see me and decide to finally dye their hair a different color or wear a style of clothing that they always wanted to wear, no matter what people think. Life is too short to be anything less than your true self, decidedly and unapologetically. Creativity People ask me how many scarves I own. I don't know, and I don't intend to count them. However, I do know that mixing and matching them, and adding accessories like headbands, allows me to feel like I never wear the same wrap twice (even if that's not actually true). Every morning I get to decide what style of wrap and what colors to wear, and it's a bit like creating new artwork each day. Femininity Wearing head wraps emphasizes my femininity. It makes me feel like a lady. It makes me feel soft, loving, elegant, and graceful. A feminine style is not for every woman, but it's definitely for me. In contrast, in today's office workplace, many women wear clothes with hard angles that are styled after men's suits. I feel strongly that women shouldn't have to dress like men to be respected by men in the workplace. No offense to anyone who likes that style of clothing. You do you. But wearing a feminine style makes a woman no less powerful or capable. Subversive feminism My head wrap gives me a superpower: the power to demand the respect of men. Very soon after I started wearing wraps, I noticed that men stare at me in public a lot less. (And if people do stare at me, it's usually momentarily and because of my wrap, not me,) Some men even avert their eyes when they see me. I don't know whether they think I'm modest, religious, conservative, married, or what, but I would rather they avert their eyes - because that's a sign of respect - than leer at me. These days men generally don't leer at me in public anymore. If anything, they treat me like a woman who deserves respect. They treat me the way every woman should be treated. Mindfulness and intention When I create my head wrap each morning, I try to make a sacred act out of something that might otherwise be mundane. I focus on an intention for the day and breathe deeply. Sometimes I say a mantra or sing. Like my morning meditation, wrapping is a daily opportunity for mindfulness. Loving my "hair" Now that I wrap, I achieve the look of voluminous hair that I love. I've spent years being frustrated and disappointed with my hair - fighting to get it to do what I want. My wraps almost always do what I want. And if they don't on the first try, I simply try again. I'm happier with my worst wrap day than I ever was with my best hair day. And I feel capable when I create my wraps. Wrapping is a skill I'm confident in. It's an activity than I enjoy instead of struggle with. Managing health issues I have alopecia areata, a relapsing-remitting health condition that manifests as round bald patches on my scalp. I'm fortunate because I'm almost always in remission and have never had a spot larger than a quarter. I've always been able to conceal my spots by styling my hair strategically until the hair grows back. However, wearing head wraps gives me peace of mind because I know that I have an elegant way to manage this health issue, should I ever need to. Supporting my religious sisters It's a difficult time to be a Muslim woman in the US who wears a hijab. I strongly believe in a woman's right to cover herself as much or as little as she wants, for whatever reason she wants. I respect her right to practice her religion (or not to) in whatever way is meaningful to her. I wear my wrap in solidarity with women everywhere. I hope that, when we see each other in public, my wrap communicates that solidarity to my Muslim sisters and to all women who wear head wraps. Helping cancer patients feel beautiful Now that I've become good at doing my own wraps, I want to help women feel beautiful by teaching them the skill. I've become a volunteer head wrap instructor. I've partnered with my local cancer center, and I recently taught my first free class on head wraps for cancer patients. I'm excited that these women can create the look of voluminous hair when they have little or no hair, and I hope they feel beautiful in their head wraps. Head wraps are something special that women can share, in good health and in bad. We can wrap each other in love and support.
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February 2018
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