Buyer beware I'm suspicious of a type of device I'm seeing frequently on crowdfunding sites, and in this article, I'll tell you why you should be too. I like to keep up with the products popping up on crowdfunding sites. I used to read a daily email from Indiegogo every morning. It contained descriptions of popular crowdfunded gadgets on its site. (I've since switched to receiving a weekly email,) One of the trends I identified is the many crowdfunded devices that are based on TENS technology and are marketed for specific kinds of pain and even for weight loss. In most cases, the makers don't disclose that these devices are based on TENS technology (or that they may even be no more than a TENS device in a pretty pink casing). Before we get into what a TENS device is, here are a few reasons I'm suspicious of these crowdfunded devices:
What is a TENS device? "TENS" stands for transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation. A TENS device sends an electrical pulse to a pad that you stick to your skin wherever on your body you want to administer the pulse. You might feel a sensation of buzzing or heat where you put the pad. In theory TENS devices help alleviate pain by generating an electrical pulse that disrupts your nerves' pain signals on their journey to brain. TENS devices have been studied for all sorts of other uses as well. But do they work? Consulting the Cochrane Collaboration is a good way to find out. Cochrane's mission is to audit and summarize scientific studies in order to help people make more informed healthcare choices. Cochrane has reported on many uses of TENS devices. Examples include alleviating neck pain, fibromyalgia, and dementia. In most cases, Cochrane has concluded that the evidence is insufficient to determine whether TENS devices have any effect. But if you want to try a TENS device for yourself, I wouldn't discourage you from buying one for $35 and giving it a try. If it doesn't work, you'd only be out $35. However, I would encourage you to think twice about spending more on a crowdfunded device. How to spot a potential TENS-based device To spot a potential TENS-based device on a crowdfunding website, determine if the device has pads that attach to the skin, with wires that go from the pads to an electronic controller. Not all TENS-based devices look like that, but most do. The PAT device The Livia device Also read the explanation of how the device is claimed to function. If the device is used for nerve stimulation or delivers an electrical pulse to the body, it may be a TENS-based device. Lastly try to determine how quickly and in what way the device acquired FDA clearance. A TENS-based device will receive quick FDA clearance because all a company has to prove is that its device is substantially equivalent to other devices on the market (in this case, a TENS device). Write the company to ask if it obtained FDA clearance via the FDA's 510(k) program, which allows substantially equivalent devices to obtain more rapid clearance. If the device obtained FDA clearance that way, it's essentially a TENS device because, if it were substantially different from a TENS device, the FDA wouldn't grant it 510(k) clearance and would put it through the more rigorous approval process required for a brand-new technology. I strongly advise you against crowdfunding a medical device that has not received FDA approval. Not only is it illegal for a company to take orders for such a device, but if a product is truly a new technology, it might not make it through the rigorous FDA approval process, which can take years, and you might never get your money back if the company goes bankrupt. Examples of suspected devices The are some examples of crowdfunded devices that I believe are TENS-based devices:
Livia Priced at $153 is the Livia device, marketed for alleviating the pain of menstrual cramps, In a VOX interview, the company's founder, Chen Nachum, "explained that the key to the device is TENS." However, on Facebook, a company representative said the Livia device isn't a TENS device and that it is "far more effective" than a TENS device. So is it or isn't it a TENS device, Livia? And where's your evidence that it's "far more effective"? Not only has Livia not performed a comparative study that proves its device is more effective than a TENS device, but the Livia device is also a low-frequency TENS device. High-frequency TENS devices may be effective at easing the pain of menstrual cramps, but there's no evidence to suggest that low-frequency ones may be effective. MODIUS Priced at $499, the MODIUS device is supposed to stimulate the vestibular nerve, which in theory could stimulate weight loss. Is the MODIUS device a TENS device? This is the company's response to that question on its website: While these devices have many things in common, the properties of the electrical pulses that Modius delivers are very different from that of a TENS. We would in no way recommend using a TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) device for vestibular nerve stimulation. First of all, electrical pulses are electrical pulses. They can vary in strength or frequency (most TENS units give you the option to adjust the pulse), but unless MODIUS has discovered a new type of electricity on Earth, the "properties" of the MODIUS device's electrical pulses can be no different from the "properties" of a TENS device's. Second, the company's next sentence makes me laugh. Of course MODIUS would in no way recommend that you use another device. That wouldn't exactly be a smart business move on the company's part, now, would it? Aside from the steep price point and the company's dubious answer to the question of whether the device is a TENS device, what bothers me most about this product is the lack of transparency around the so-called scientific evidence. The company has a section called The Science on its website, but it lacks any links to published, peer-reviewed journal articles. Was the evidence published or peer reviewed? How large were the studies the company mentions? For all we know, the studies included 30 people. How were the studies performed? Was the methodology sound? (If it wasn't, that completely negates the results.) And lastly, we don't know the long-term effects of prolonged vestibular nerve stimulation on a large population, but I can find no place on the website where the company mentions that this new weight-loss methodology may have negative side effects that we haven't discovered yet. PAT Of all the devices I listed, I give a little more credit to the PAT device for pain relief—but just a little. First of all, the description of the device mentions and even explains TENS technology, so good for the company for being transparent. Then the company explains that its device uses MENS technology (microcurrent electrical nerve stimulation) instead of TENS technology. The company also has peer-reviewed articles in the Research section on its website (so bravo in that regard). Unfortunately the research isn't very helpful if you'd like to know how MENS stacks up against TENS and if the PAT device might be worth the $95. At this time, there are no comparative studies of TENS versus MENS on the website, and in a quick web search, I didn't find any such studies. So making an informed decision about purchasing the PAT device would still be difficult for a consumer. And the marketing of this device is as over-the-top as the marketing of similar devices. It's apparently "revolutionary," "life changing," and "mimics your body’s natural current to alleviate your pain." To that last claim, I say in theory, people. In theory.
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I've been advised by more than one counselor that changing my expectations is a way to avoid setting myself up for future pain. In some cases, I think it's a good strategy. Don't get your hopes up for a new job. Just apply and see what happens. Otherwise, you risk being disappointed. Especially if there's a past pattern of you not getting what you want from particular people in your life, don't expect it of them, and you won't be disappointed.
This is a sensible approach; however, it's easier said than done. It's an approach that has failed me repeatedly when I've tried to use it with my immediate relatives. I have a theory that some of us who grew up in dysfunctional families have a subconscious part of us that I call the pernicious optimist. The optimist has been taught what a family is from a young age. It clings to the belief and hope that a mother will be motherly, a father will be fatherly, and a sibling will form a bond with you that's closer than a bond with your closest friend. This is how the world works, according the optimist. This is how these roles function. The fact that these roles can and should function this way is a belief that the optimist refuses to let go of because, as an optimist, she has to believe that things can be better. She has to believe that there's a chance. She must have hope. Changing your expectations is a logical endeavor. Logic is a great and important thing that, in my experience, is often completely ineffective against deep, emotional issues. For years, I've tried reasoning with the pernicious optimist in me to get her to change her expectations, but the conversation has gone something like this: Me: You know that your father is never going to change and behave differently toward you, right? Optimist: But he's my father. I only want him to do what he's supposed to do. Me: Yes, but he doesn't know how, and it really sucks when you keep believing he can and might behave differently someday, despite my telling you he won't. It's not his fault, but he can't be your father the way you want him to be, not the way you think of someone as being fatherly to you. Optimist: But he's my father. Me: No, he was the guy who impregnated the woman who gave birth to you. Don't you see? That doesn't make him a good father. Remember when he screamed at us and threatened us on the phone yesterday? Optimist: But he's my father. I need a father. Me: Sigh. I know you do. Telling the optimist to expect abusive behavior (but not tolerate it) and to expect a lack of interest, concern, and support from immediate relatives is like speaking a different language to it. It doesn't understand me. It cannot comprehend. We're conditioned to believe that our mother, father, and siblings function as our core support group that offers us unconditional love and emotional intimacy. That is the picture that society paints for us our whole lives (not a picture of a group of emotionally distant, self-involved people who behave abusively toward each other and take little to no interest in each other's lives). That conditioning is very strong - strong enough to create an inner optimist that can't let go of that conditioning, even when those people habitually emotionally abuse us instead behaving in a loving way toward us. I have decided to admit that the subconscious optimist in me is real, pernicious, steadfast, stupid, and beyond my ability to control. It continually sabotages my efforts to change my expectations. I've tried repeatedly to reason with it, but I don't know if it can be reasoned with. It may always want what it wants, no matter what I do. Just like I can't prevent my stomach from getting hungry or my body from getting tired, I may not be able to prevent my optimist from wanting the kinds of relationships it wants with the people who were assigned the roles of mother, father, and sibling. Ultimately, in order to love and protect myself, I've had to exercise some tough self-love and endeavor to kill the pernicious optimist. I've taken away its contact with my immediate relatives in order to take away all of its hope. I've stopped using the word "family" to refer to them and have chosen the word "relatives" instead. It was a terrifying step because the optimist is strong and has held me hostage for many years, but it had to be done. I must stop the optimist from getting us hurt over and over again. Conversely, I love my inner dreamer. I always have. She's the part of me who wants to make giant art projects and tell amazing stories. She wants to draw, play music, make costumes, and believe that the possibilities for artistic expression are limitless. My inner dreamer gets to stay and play - gets to sustain and support me. She can dream as big as she wants. My pernicious optimist needs to die. Just. Make. Art.
without doubt or inhibitions without judgment or comparison Just make art. visual, musical, physical. Spiritual. of light, of sound, of junk you found Just make art. small or large, crafty or deep Make it boldly. Make it for making it’s sake For the love of it never judging it only learning from it Just. Make. Art. Let it be known, dear friends, that in preparation for the coming next birth-year of her life, her last year of her 30s, Elizabeth declared the Birth-Year of Enforcing Boundaries. And in that year, and every year thereafter, she was to take no more shit - emotional abuse - from anyone.
As her third (yes, third!) act of preparation for the coming birth-year, she wrote a declaration of boundaries for someone in particular, but she would enforce this decree with all who dwell in the land. She declared that these behaviors would no longer be tolerated by her, and her inner kingdom rejoiced and was proud: Disrespecting me
Blaming me
Lashing out at me
Shaming me
Bullying me
Dismissing my feelings
Warning: Spoilers alert. If you haven't seen the film American Beauty and don't want to learn some of the details of the film, please don't read further.
The film American Beauty is my favorite film, and lately I've been revisiting my love of its protagonist, Lester Burnham. I've always greatly admired Lester's character, and in this blog post, I'd like to examine why. I recently read an excellent blog post analyzing the characters in the film. The post's author, Andrew, points out the ways that Lester behaves like a child in the film. Lester goes through a midlife crisis in which he lusts after a teenager, buys a Pontiac Firebird, quits his corporate job for a fast-food job, plays with an RC car, and starts pumping iron in his garage. Andrew argues that we should be disgusted by Lester's childish and inappropriate behavior, and in some respects, I agree. But I think that Andrew's statement that Lester is an "asshole" and is "not enlightened" doesn't do justice to the complexity of Lester's character. Like all people and all great characters, Lester is complex and is full of contradictions. Separating what Lester does from how he does it might shed some light on what can be admired about Lester's behavior and what cannot. I agree with Andrew that one of the main themes of the film - if not the main theme - is the harm that comes from "projecting an image of success at all times." The film shows us how toxic it is to engage in collective pretending and to live an inauthentic, dishonest life in which we must, above all, keep up appearances. Living this way creates an environment in which people are likely to repress their true selves and desires, to lash out at each other passive aggressively, to tolerate abuse and mistreatment from others in order to maintain the status quo, and to detach from each other or form superficial relationships instead of forming healthy and close relationships with family members and friends. Lester is fed up with the facade and starts calling attention to it by making honest statements. He says to his wife, "This hasn't been a marriage for years, but you were happy as long as I kept my mouth shut. Well, guess what! I've changed!" The film shows us the unhappiness that this facade has created and how unhealthy it is, and we can applaud Lester's courage to speak up honestly and stop going along with the facade. His rebellion extends well beyond him quitting his job and "sticking it to the Man" or buying a sports car. More important is that he tries to shatter the facade happening within his family. Admittedly, Lester doesn't always go about this the right way. When Lester throws the plate of asparagus against the wall during the brilliant family dinner scene, his behavior is inappropriate and uncalled for. But we empathize with him because clearly he is at his breaking point. The candles and dinner music are signs of the amount of effort exerted to keep up the "perfect family dinner" facade, and we can imagine that Lester has sat through these painful dinners every night for years, making "pleasant" small talk with his family, never discussing how he really feels, and tolerating his wife's condescension, criticism, snide comments, or outright abuse. Now we watch Lester finally set boundaries with his family at dinner, and it feels triumphant. We watch him tell them that it's no longer okay for them to disregard his feelings and treat him like he's "invisible." He says that "from now on we're going to alternate our dinner music because frankly - and I don't think I'm alone here - I'm tired of this Lawrence Welk shit." And when he says that, he declares that his opinion matters - that he should get a say in things like the dinner music - and that it's not okay for his family to take him for granted anymore. (This is obviously not the way I would recommend setting boundaries with family members, but the point is that Lester is finally doing it and finally being honest.) When Lester finds out that his wife Carolyn is cheating on him, he says, "You don't get to tell me what to do ever again." Yes, that comment is much like what a teenager would say to his mother (and Carolyn behaves like a mother toward Lester), but Lester isn't simply being childish. With that comment, Lester is setting boundaries with Carolyn, telling her that she can't control, mistreat, or shame him any longer. By no longer "keeping his mouth shut," Lester sheds a light on his family's communication problems, dysfunctional behaviors, emotional distance from each other, and general unhappiness. In reaction to him pointing out the family's facade, his family members will either have to face the dishonesty and dysfunction in their family life, or they will need to double-down on their denial. But because of Lester's actions, they can't simply keep the facade as it has always been. Unfortunately, despite Lester's efforts, his wife Carolyn chooses to double-down on her denial. Lester tries to create a moment of intimacy and emotional vulnerability between himself and Carolyn when he fondly recalls a memory from when they were dating, reminds her how joyful she used to be, and asks her when she became so joyless. She says she isn't joyless, but clearly she is. (Her affair isn't actually bringing her joy but is allowing her to remain in denial about her unhappiness.) She pulls away when Lester offers her an opportunity to become intimate with him again and maybe start to heal their marriage. Instead she is afraid he'll spill beer on the couch. Once again, Lester honestly describes an aspect of how their marriage is dysfunctional: the pursuit of financial success above all else and the neglect of their relationship with one another. He says to Carolyn, "This isn't life. This is just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts." Lester isn't merely having a midlife crisis, acting childishly and selfishly, and trying to relive his past. He is having an awakening, and he's trying to create an awakening among his family members. Lester's awakening is an awkward, messy, and sometimes ugly one that includes a sports car and lust for a teenager. But it is an awakening no less, despite the form it takes. Maybe it's an awakening that happens alongside a midlife crisis. Regardless, in my view, Lester evolves throughout the film as he tries to reconnect emotionally with his wife and daughter. His evolution culminates in a moment toward the end that defines whether he's simply having a midlife crisis or whether he's having an awakening. In that moment, Lester has to choose whether to have sex with or to form an emotional bond with the teenager he so desired. In that defining moment, Lester chooses to forego teenage fantasy in order to experience emotional intimacy. That intimacy is something he has lacked in his family for a long time, and he's hoping "it's never too late to get it back." If Lester's quest for emotional intimacy isn't already clear by this point in the film, it's made explicit when the teenager asks him, "How are you?" and he responds, "God, it's been so long since anybody asked me that." Maybe he realizes that emotional connection is what he really wanted all along and that his fantasy was how he coped with the upheaval he caused in his family by seeking it. From his monologue at the end, it certainly seems that way to me. In Lester's character arc, he develops the courage to start speaking honestly about his feelings and his family life. He may not always do that in the most appropriate way or in a healthy way, but we can admire him tremendously for having the courage to try to shatter the facade, to no longer remain silent about harmful behaviors, and to demand to be treated with respect and consideration. We can admire him for waking up, realizing that living a fake life based on appearances is hollow, and having the courage to try to wake up his family. I can't help but feel that Lester is my hero when I watch him stop suffering in silence, start advocating for authenticity, try to reconnect with his family, and rail against the denial and collective pretending that the film shows us are so toxic and destructive to a family. It's not even December, and already I've seen hatred of 2016 popping up everywhere. John Oliver even made an elaborate video full of profanity and vitriol directed squarely at the year. In the video, he goes so far as to blow up the numbers 2016.
Is it me, or does it seem like it has become increasingly popular to vehemently share your animosity toward the current year when it comes to an end? (Maybe John Oliver was making light of that.) Misery does indeed love company, but I would like to see us jump off this bandwagon of year-end distain. In this case, I believe that hindsight is often 20/200. Yes, a lot of terrible things happened in 2016. But from an objective historical perspective, a lot of terrible things happen every year - along with a lot of good things. If you legitimately had a really bad year, I'm so sorry. Maybe your friend or loved one died. Maybe you received a frightening medical diagnosis. I really hope that you didn't experience a devastating event this year, but if you did, then you had a very difficult 2016, and I would never want to invalidate that experience. But if you want to commiserate about how terrible 2016 was because David Bowie died and the current political climate is upsetting, or because you've chosen to focus only on the unpleasant things that happened to you, I'll pass and propose a different perspective (RIP and all due respect, David Bowie). For your consideration, here are some reasons that 2016 was actually a pretty good year for you:
Check your pulse. Take a deep breath. Reflect for a moment on the fact that not everyone who was alive at the beginning of 2016 can do those things today. And now tell me: Was 2016 good to you? I know it was good to me. Recently Rivka Spicer wrote a lovely blog post about why she wears head wraps, and it inspired me to write my own. Like Rivka, I wear head wraps for many reasons, some of which didn't manifest until after I started wearing them.
How I got started When I first saw pictures of sinar tichels (Jewish-style head wraps) on Instagram, I was enamored with their beauty. Then, when I came upon Wrapunzel, a wonderful wrapping resource and community, suddenly I had access to everything I needed to create head wraps, and I had no reason not to - except for fear, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. How wrapping makes me feel The first time that I created a head wrap and looked in the mirror, I was so delighted that I actually giggled with glee. (No, really. I did.) I've always had a very poor body image. When I look in the mirror, I never see what people who compliment my appearance see in me. But the first day that I wore a wrap, I saw my self and my inner beauty shine through like never before. Everything about it felt right, and I wanted to do it every day. When my grandmother to be (on my fiancé's side of the family) first saw me in a head wrap, she exclaimed, "It's just you! It's so you!" I was stunned and very moved by how perceptive she was. It was quite an affirmation. When I drape and fold scarves to create my wrap in the morning, I feel relaxed and comforted. The lushness of large swaths of fabric has always felt cozy to me. Give me scarves, shawls, long skirts, and blankets. And when my wrap is finished, I have transformed into a woman who is ready to face the day, no matter what comes. Wearing a wrap makes me feel put together, prepared, and confident. It starts my day off on the right foot, with all of my folds, tucks, and pleats neat and tidy. I love this feeling of preparedness. The analogy of putting on armor isn't quite right. It's more like putting on the right equipment. Armor is a barrier, but my wrap makes me feel more open, at ease, and softer around the edges. It opens a door to my heart while also giving me the strength to face the day. So many reasons to wrap Besides how wearing head wraps makes me feel, I've discovered that I wear them for many other reasons. Visual communication In many ways, choosing to wear a head wrap is a form of visual communication just like any other clothing or fashion choice. When we choose a style of outfit for the day (dressy, casual, punk, hipster, etc.), we decide what we want to project to the world. When I wear a head wrap, I put the focus on my face, and by doing so I emphasize my personhood and invite others to connect more deeply with me. I also think that head wraps look chic and stylish, and feeling stylish makes me feel good. Personal expression and nonconformity Few things make me as happy as seeing someone dance to the beat of their own drum. Unfortunately uninhibited personal expression is a bold choice - a scary choice. Many of us are inhibited or even paralyzed by the fear of what other people will think. We are pressured from all angles to conform - to wear trendy clothes and hairstyles, to act like others, and to fit in. After I started wearing head wraps, I realized that, by wearing them, I can be an example of what I want to see in the world, and that means a great deal to me. I can encourage others to express themselves. I like to think that someone might see me and decide to finally dye their hair a different color or wear a style of clothing that they always wanted to wear, no matter what people think. Life is too short to be anything less than your true self, decidedly and unapologetically. Creativity People ask me how many scarves I own. I don't know, and I don't intend to count them. However, I do know that mixing and matching them, and adding accessories like headbands, allows me to feel like I never wear the same wrap twice (even if that's not actually true). Every morning I get to decide what style of wrap and what colors to wear, and it's a bit like creating new artwork each day. Femininity Wearing head wraps emphasizes my femininity. It makes me feel like a lady. It makes me feel soft, loving, elegant, and graceful. A feminine style is not for every woman, but it's definitely for me. In contrast, in today's office workplace, many women wear clothes with hard angles that are styled after men's suits. I feel strongly that women shouldn't have to dress like men to be respected by men in the workplace. No offense to anyone who likes that style of clothing. You do you. But wearing a feminine style makes a woman no less powerful or capable. Subversive feminism My head wrap gives me a superpower: the power to demand the respect of men. Very soon after I started wearing wraps, I noticed that men stare at me in public a lot less. (And if people do stare at me, it's usually momentarily and because of my wrap, not me,) Some men even avert their eyes when they see me. I don't know whether they think I'm modest, religious, conservative, married, or what, but I would rather they avert their eyes - because that's a sign of respect - than leer at me. These days men generally don't leer at me in public anymore. If anything, they treat me like a woman who deserves respect. They treat me the way every woman should be treated. Mindfulness and intention When I create my head wrap each morning, I try to make a sacred act out of something that might otherwise be mundane. I focus on an intention for the day and breathe deeply. Sometimes I say a mantra or sing. Like my morning meditation, wrapping is a daily opportunity for mindfulness. Loving my "hair" Now that I wrap, I achieve the look of voluminous hair that I love. I've spent years being frustrated and disappointed with my hair - fighting to get it to do what I want. My wraps almost always do what I want. And if they don't on the first try, I simply try again. I'm happier with my worst wrap day than I ever was with my best hair day. And I feel capable when I create my wraps. Wrapping is a skill I'm confident in. It's an activity than I enjoy instead of struggle with. Managing health issues I have alopecia areata, a relapsing-remitting health condition that manifests as round bald patches on my scalp. I'm fortunate because I'm almost always in remission and have never had a spot larger than a quarter. I've always been able to conceal my spots by styling my hair strategically until the hair grows back. However, wearing head wraps gives me peace of mind because I know that I have an elegant way to manage this health issue, should I ever need to. Supporting my religious sisters It's a difficult time to be a Muslim woman in the US who wears a hijab. I strongly believe in a woman's right to cover herself as much or as little as she wants, for whatever reason she wants. I respect her right to practice her religion (or not to) in whatever way is meaningful to her. I wear my wrap in solidarity with women everywhere. I hope that, when we see each other in public, my wrap communicates that solidarity to my Muslim sisters and to all women who wear head wraps. Helping cancer patients feel beautiful Now that I've become good at doing my own wraps, I want to help women feel beautiful by teaching them the skill. I've become a volunteer head wrap instructor. I've partnered with my local cancer center, and I recently taught my first free class on head wraps for cancer patients. I'm excited that these women can create the look of voluminous hair when they have little or no hair, and I hope they feel beautiful in their head wraps. Head wraps are something special that women can share, in good health and in bad. We can wrap each other in love and support. |
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